FAQ: Relationship Systems

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Q. What do you mean by relationship systems coaching?

Q. How is systems coaching different from couple's coaching?

Q. Our group tries to make decisions but some people just want to talk and argue all the time. How would coaching help with that?

Q. Can I do family coaching by myself or does everybody need to come?

Q. What sorts of relationships does systems coaching help?

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Q. What do you mean by relationship systems coaching?

A system is comprised of two or more people who desire to function together on some level. A system can be a family, a business, a department, a church or other civic group, or a club. Every member of the system is a necessary part of the whole. Every voice and opinion needs to be heard and honored in order for the system to find its own solution.

Q. How is systems coaching different from couple's coaching?

Because couples generally have a deeper sense of commitment and similar values, couple's coaching can utilize those to create a greater depth of unity in the couple. Relationship, or systems coaching is usually less deep but often broader in scope. A lot of the same skills needed to have a good couple relationship are the same skills needed for other good relationships. The dynamics are pretty much the same for all relationships.

Q. Our group tries to make decisions but some people just want to talk and argue all the time. How would coaching help with that?

A group system is a fascinating thing. It's a creature in and of itself. Coaching seeks to hear the voice of the system. What is it trying to say? Each voice is imperative. Every system, including yours, has roles that must be filled if it is to survive. Perhaps your talkers are the visionaries, making a stand for what is to happen next. One who argues against that may be filling the role of legacy keeper - the one who wants to make sure that what was good about the old doesn't get lost in the implementation of the new. Perhaps there is also the voice of a nurturer, one who is aware of how the changes will affect people's personal and family lives. Sometimes a needed role remains vacant and is sorely missed. Perhaps your group needs a peacekeeper and no one has taken on that role yet. In coaching we look at all the roles and all the voices and give them space to create.

Q. Can I do family coaching by myself or does everybody need to come?

If one person in a system changes it will shift the dynamics of the whole system. You can learn a lot of relationship skills to take back to your family and it will make a difference, but for the most powerful and lasting shifts to be made it is best if all the parts of the system show up willingly to be coached. If one part of the system refuses to participate, the system has still gotten some good information. We work with what shows up.

Q. What sorts of relationships does relationship coaching help?

Relational dynamics are pretty much the same across the board. At their core all relationships require openness, curiosity, boundaries, courage, determination, honesty and a sense of commitment. Knowing that, you can see that coaching is suitable for families-parent/child and siblings, extended family; businesses, business partnerships and co-workers; church, clubs, or other groups. Any two or more people who want to accomplish or create something will benefit from relationship systems coaching.

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